Hardly

This is not always my escape to a cluttered mind. Making lists helps, but the fact that this hasn't seen me since long is proof enough. Anyway, it's strange how the mind keeps finding reasons to be fucked even though God put a smile on our face. (Coldplay on loop). Sometimes it becomes necessary to remain in solitude watching Dexter and his ways. Strongest alter egos I've seen in times. It's so annoying to know that you're being judged all the time. It's become so difficult to find a like minded existence. It's become a habit to be let down, to expect a lot. Has it?

Alcohol has the most peculiar tendencies. You could do so much more yet, you'd want to sit and sip. :) The laugh which saw no reason, the action which saw no cause, the most wonderful saying which saw no motivation, the most hilarious joke which saw no thinking.

It takes a lot to be content. You need to see good food on the table for every meal, you want to crib about the only thing life wants to see you do right now, you want them to think what you think of yourself, you want to be a part and you want that to happen effortlessly, you want everything to be in sequence, you want A to mark the beginning and Z to see the end, you want to make it happen and you want it to be done right. It should be simplified and not in the least bit complicated. Sit, drink, smoke, strike a healthy conversation, be yourself and feel good about the moment. That's what you want.

There's got to be a way out of this. There's got to be one.

Wishlist.

The wishlist changes everyday. It is erratic. It sees numerous crosses and even more updates. But it's almost necessary to keep track. To keep the imagination on a racing track requires a lot of effort. Obviously we won't realise it's inability to sprint until we start jotting the most tiniest wish that our mind can be home to. It's important to know what you want from life at all given times in life. And I've been told that wishes can be re-born. They are, for a fact, re born. A week from now, I'll read this and I will prioritise. 10 might become 3 and 7 might drop down to 10. It's a beauty to solely notice the movement.

WISHLIST NUMBER FAR FROM A MILLION.

1. I want to read Lance Armstrong in a day and enjoy the feeling at midnight.

2. I want to not lament over anything. I don't want a reason to crib. Cribbing can easily be an Outlook in my life that I must go through. But I want it to be Top Gear that I don't relish at all.

3. Sans any connection to (2), I want to really start reading Top Gear and Overdrive. If only I could pass these off as Good Housekeeping. Wait till Wishlist written at 30.

4. This one I have shamelessly shared. I want to sit on the blade of the fan and squeeze myself in that 3 inch space and madly rotate while it's on. I always tend to ignore that this is perfect as a lethal fantasy.

5. I want a career and not work towards it. Procrastinating is such a disease. I need immunity.

6. I want to stop calling auto drivers bastards. They've made me helpless. But they've provided comfort although that's easy to forget. Can I blame it on them? I should. Bargaining on auto fares is illegal for a start.

7. I want to crack a genius joke. One that can never be matched. One that doesn't have a lineage. One which will not have a family but work wonders as a mentor.

8. I really want to try 75% of Big Chill's menu. Please notice that this is #8.

9. I want put "take life as it comes" to practical use. Do I have to specify that it's easier said than done.

10. I want to borrow an expensive gadget and treat it so well that the lender makes me it's owner. I don't care if it's out of guilt or anything else.

One should always stop at a round figure. Multiples of five to make it easier.

Until WISHLIST NUMBER ONE LESS THAN FAR FROM A MILLION.

Specific

19th August 2009.

"Specific" (and its various forms), is officially my all new favourite word. It gets a place on my blog because it marks an event of sorts. A significant progress. From "killer", "full on!", "amazing" and "oh my god", I have now reached SPECIFIC.

" You should have just specified." *with an confusing smirk*

"Nothing specific." *in an attempt to sound professional maybe?*

" I really need you to specify the reason behind not going ." *as a general statement*

" Uh, specify!" *because it's a habit now*

" Why cant I just be specific about I'm feeling ? Argh." * in one of those Aditi-on-Aditi phases. Often procrastinated, but always thought of*

I must be really awkward with myself after i coloured those moods. Usually, I choose the same shade. But, this looks unusually colourful. Wow. Maybe this post will mark the end of my being specific about thoughts. Disconnected . Horribly disconnected. Disconnected beyond imagination. I know what you're thinking. But, forgive me for I don't feel like stopping. Which bring us to the end of this muddled muck. The colours are really not me. The word is still mine. The next shall be better.

Sprinkle

I feel anything but stupid in stating that these droplets of rain have sprinkled my day with a much needed smile. It just re inforced my belief in the fact that the weather has more than a lot to do with paving the way for the right mood.

I felt like getting up in the morning and opening the window, a practice which i otherwise strangely detest. I felt like excercising my lost OCD and lying down on the cold clean bed and reading the neverending Bond novel. I was told i could skip paragraphas and still successfully follow the story, but then I'm not sure whether that would qualify has healthy reading. See. That's what the rain did.Kindly allow the inevitable use of :).

"Smiling" was waiting to take "cribbing's" place in characterising me and the rain provided immense support.

Dear rain,

If you were a person, you would be my favourite.

Keep in touch.

Aditi

Leaps.

Went last year. Went this year again. Only realised how much it takes to do a "good job". How important it becomes to satisfy your own self more than anyone else. If i start to enlist five things I learnt sitting on that chair from 9 AM to 2 PM, will I be able to?

1. Control yawns when you're under a spot light.

2. Looking pretty is not tough.

3. Being rude is surprisingly tough, maintaining that is tougher.

4. Always tell your mother that she makes extraordinary south indian and remind her that green chilli's are evil.

5. A book, even if it's not your favourite, can make your day.

I had hardly thought that the nature of this task would be far from complex.

This constant urge in me to not let anything pass and squeeze "use" out of it is making me strangely satisfied.

That's how the mind has taken it's leap. It kept learning until it finally learnt to take a leap!