Grumpus

A couple of days back, I thought I'd stopped being "Grumpus", but I think the time has arrived, to welcome that state of being again. I fail to understand why many, like me, have a problem with "stuffs". At least for me, I don't mind wasting precious time in finding problems and not bothering to solve them coherently. Do I like having problems in my life? Or am I too used to them? I think the former weighs heavier on the measuring scale.

Most times, there is no answer to "Kya scene hai?". But we'd repetitively ask that question and engrave it into our mind, not leaving ourselves with any other choice but to answer it. That's when the "scene" begins to initiate. There is seldom any effort to make it non existent. It's almost like we want its presence. Its like that one person in the party who'd not say anything, just sit and laugh and giggle and do a few jives. All that, and it still has the potential to go unnoticed. But if that one person is missing, we'd question the absence.

I've been saying a lot of "I can't deal" to myself lately. I'd be honest. I'm on the verge of a break up. I've been dating for three long years now, and I do see everything tumbling down. It's not a pleasant sight but I'm assuming that it's the best form of what me , you and everyone need. It's the best form of a "reality check". But that's just the most crisp context I could provide. The point is I've been stuck with the can't-deal-syndrome. I'm sure and unsure, certain and unsure and my mind is flooding with inseparable pairs of synonyms and antonyms. I won't deny that I am happy to be living-in-the-moment most times. But there's too much tension in the mind. Kuch toh scene hai. There. See what the problem is. There. See. There's a problem.

I need a routine. One that is simple to abide by. I was in Pune a couple of days back and on getting back, I realised that I couldn't deal with people being so chilled out. Haha. There. See. I can't deal.

I'm starting to having a lot of fun with this post. It's telling me what not to do while I'm doing the very same things.

They say and they're right about communication being the key to big locks in your life. Kindly communicate. Yes, I'm saying this to you and to myself.

I choose to be happy and content. With things, people and relationships.

I choose to erase "I can't deal" with "It's all good".

I choose to make pick and make choices.